April 3, 2008

I had an interesting conversation with the babysitter today. She told me that she has been babysitting since age 12 (she is a senior in college now) and that she has noticed a big difference between kids who are home schooled and kids who go to school (she baby sits for 3 other home school families). I know an O.T. who told me the same thing...that she can almost always tell who was home schooled or who was traditionally schooled by their behavior.
"Why is this?" I asked my sitter. She told me that she thinks it's because kids who are home schooled are secure in their parents love for them and this shows up in their behavior. This answer made sense to me. When a child is with his or her parent all day, everyday (because the parent is choosing to be present), he or she will hopefully know that the parent cares. Also the frequency and type of interaction that a child receives from his parent in a home school environment is typically vastly different from a what a school-going child receives. In a typical home school, the parent is present to the child, teaching the child, talking to the child, playing with the child and working along side the child. In a typical school family, the child is being rushed out of bed and onto school, then rushed onto dinner and home work. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule - there are many home school families who shouldn't be home schooling, and there are wonderful families with great children who are in the school system, and this is important to take into account.
Another reason that I believe contributes to the behavior of a child is whether or not an environment is a competitive or a cooperative one. It seems that school sets up a competitive atmosphere - causing kids to always strive for the A, or strive to "win" on the playground or in the classroom. This can set the stage for a more hostile, competitive spirit. In many home schools there are no grades given or honors earned. The teaching is centered on how to work together as a family to make the house run smoothly and relationships solid. It does not center around competition, but on cooperation. Because of this, home school kids typically learn basic house hold tasks at a young age -such as folding laundry, sweeping, cleaning windows, and holding a baby. They learn how to work together as a whole for the common good with continual consistent guidance. This allows the child to feel useful and a part of a loving, caring group of people, thus building up his or her self esteem and feelings of self worth and belonging.
Other differences are that in many home schools kids are given more freedom to pursue their own interests and goals, more time in the outdoors and more time for play. This is typically because home schooling does not take as long. When there is one child per grade, a teacher does not have to teach to the masses, she can teach at the child's level and also allow a lot of independent learning, so the time frame needed is typically not nearly as strenuous. I believe that the results of a person being able to spend more time outdoors and in pursuit of his or her own interests and talents is naturally a happier child who knows his or herself and is confident in that knowledge.
A child who is in school is also typically rushed from one thing to another…rushed out of bed to the breakfast table and off to school, rushed from school to a quick dinner, then practice, then home work, and during school the child is force fed assignment after assignment, a quick recess and then more assignments. This can be replicated in a home school environment, but typically, it is not. Typically a home school environment is more relaxed with less rushing around, more time allotted for exploration, reading, resting and play, and no homework. This would result in a more centered, less anxious child.

Typically home school parents are also alongside their children when they experience difficulties or exhibit negative behaviors. Because of this home school parents can address needs on the spot, listen to feelings daily, explain and explore life realities in each moment, work through difficulties and curb behaviors. Because in school, there is typically one teacher to twenty something students, and parent time is on weekends only, this is not possible in the same way and negative behaviors can result.

As I mentioned before, I know many wonderful families who send their children to school who have great kids. I also know some home school families who have distressed children with less desirable behaviors. There is no magic wand rule and no perfect situation. Yet, based on my baby sitters and O.T.'s general observations, it is important to explore the issue and these are some of my thoughts. Peace!