March 1, 2008

For a few months there, I was getting really stuck in the "academics" with my young children, wanting to make sure that my kids were "up to par". After all, I am home schooling, you know, and I want to "look good". I want my friends who lifted up skeptical eyebrows when I told them about my decision, to change that to an admiring eye over how well behaved and how smart my kids are. I was trying to raise "perfect geniuses" over just raising children, just as they are.

How quickly our view can get clouded by our own fears about how others view us, or see us, or our desire to not be "too different", to keep up with others, and at least somewhat fit it. At least, that was my case, when I did a thorough self examination and got to the core issue of what was driving my scheduled madness.

But then, I had a baby…baby number four…and I couldn't keep up with that schedule any longer, or the expectations that I had placed upon myself or my children, for that matter. And really, the expectations were no different than traditional school, but in my opinion, they are the wrong expectations. A wise friend told me that rather than math or English or writing, the baby IS the lesson. How true. And thank God for that. It is the high needs of the baby that make us slow down, release lofty expectations, and just get back to what matters most in life: the basic love and care of one another. Paying attention again to the needs of each child, in each moment, listening to their behavior, noticing who they are, and adjusting the rhythm of the household to that ticking rather than to the ticking of a contrived schedule that must be adhered to at all costs was what I was relearning once again. Thank God for babies who bring us back to listening and noticing in the present moment, and enjoying the beauty of life and our children once again.

So how did I adjust? I let go. I dropped my old schedule completely, except for the basic structure of self care and home care. Morning jobs stayed, which consists of breakfast, making beds, getting dressed and tidying up the bedrooms and the kitchen after breakfast. I also added laundry folding to that schedule. With lots of spit up on clothes, doing laundry every day became a necessity again and I saw it as an opportunity to teach new skills. Laundry folding time was an opportunity to fold together and talk. Then the day was open, and during that openness, childhood wonders began to unfold again. Bird watching took place, playing at the park, building play houses and forts, tree climbing, made up games in between pine trees, learning math by using house hold tools such as baking, money, the clock and calendars rather than workbooks. True, natural learning began to take place again and it felt natural and wonderful in deed.

We kept morning snack and lunch time, and our lunch menu which we all enjoyed. We kept bedtime chores and daily kitchen chores and bedtime consistent, and through it all, we learned. We are learning a lot and we are enjoying one another, loving the baby and caring for her and in doing so, we are learning how to care for one another well again.